Wednesday, July 13, 2011

It`s scary how life is such a big ball of uncertainty. Like waking up one day knowing exactly what we want in life and how we would work our way to end up exactly how we`ve pictured it to be. We plan every bit of detail because we`d want everything to go just as we have planned.

But even if we`ve worked through it that way, there are days when we`re gonna wake up in a different perspective. It`s like we`re gonna have to start all over again from scratch not knowing where to start and where exactly in this world we`re gonna end up going. We won`t even have the slightest idea of what kind of a person we`re going to be, and if we`re gonna like the person in our mirrors` reflections.

It`s hard to think about not knowing what ideas and emotions to trust because nothing in this world guarantees us anything. All but one faith that says... "We are where we are supposed to be." And knowing that, uncertainties don`t seem as scary as we perceive them to be. Especially when we start working with what we have, who we are, and where we already are. Don`t you think?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

` Just old words.

And nothing more.

As I stared at the words written on my old journal, I tried to remember how I felt when I first wrote them. It makes me sad and proud at how much I`ve changed since the days I`ve written those words that describe how happy and foolish I must have been.

Just when I thought I`d have to live clinging on to those words for the rest of my life, hey, I moved on.

We all do.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I don`t want to write this entry by starting with the lines "I remember the first time that I`ve first entered my university..." blah, blah, blah... and how it felt because it`s overused. But how can I not? When the very moment I`ve stepped into college was probably the most vivid memory I`ve ever had in the 4 years I`ve stayed in Aquinas University.

I remember even threatening my own mother, with conviction, the week before the actual start of classes that I would not take my studies seriously if she insisted that I study there, with a course I had no intentions of pursuing. Now, I think of that one day, and I remember how nervously excited and scared I have felt when I walked to St. Albert`s Building Lobby with no familiar face in sight, with only my "White Form" as my guide.

But yeah. Even with the threats I made, there I was, making sure I was not late to attend my first class even if I hated the subject - Math. When it was my turn to introduce myself in class, the way I`ve caught my blockmates` attention made me be determined that from then on, my voice would be heard in class the way it never had in high school. It felt great that it was the chance I had to start over where nobody knew who I was and what I`ve done. College was a place nobody could ever judge my past.

Then I thought, "Hey, college wouldn`t be that bad, right?"
Freshman Year
Downs. I lost friends over one silly issue that happened in one of our class activities. I failed one subject. And I got my heart broken.
Ups. I was able to exercise my "social-skills". Haha. :)) And because I was friends with almost everyone in my class, I had no trouble dealing with anyone or anybody. Back then, everybody were truly nice. I could hang out with any group of friends in class and my blockmates trusted and respected me with how much and how little I could help them with.
I`ve learned that you are only little when you belittle yourself. That you might not see what`s good in you but at some point, people will help you lift yourself up if you let them, and if you let yourself.
Sophomore and Junior Years
I felt the most unbearable burden of school work, where I had to juggle making NCPs and case presentations (while trying to mend my broken heart and worrying about a friend I`ve lost) `til the wee hours of the night. Only to wake up again the next day at 7 to go to duty, or go to school where lectures stretch even until 8 in the evening.
I`ve learned how important management was. That what`s important is to show how hard you try to work seemingly unmanageable things out. That even broken hearts could be mended because I`ve realized that I`m too young to even know who my soulmate is, and if I would or would not end up with him.
I`ve learned that there were different kinds of friends. There were friends who only sticked with you because you provide them for their needs. But that there are some friends who are still willing to stay even if you don`t necessarily have to give them anything. That they come and go, and you`re not always left with the choice if they stay or not. That the only friends worth your time are the friends that don`t leave when you need them most, and who still stay even when you no longer need them.
Senior Year
I`ve learned how to take things in a stride. That nothing works if I panicked over not getting a case, or not submitting thesis draft on time, or that the guy I`ve fallen in love with now belongs to another, or that I`ve never fixed things with an old friend. I`ve learned that those things normally happen to normal people like me, that I`m not the only one who goes through those things. That everything is always based on the attitude I face them with. That God, He`s the only one to trust. Because when nobody else is there, He is. :)

Now you see why I always say I love it better in college? College helped BIG TIME in bringing out the best in me and my potentials. People saw me when I thought I`d go through college invisibly. I`ve met people who inspired me to do and say things they knew, and I eventually realized, I was capable of getting done. College taught the virtue of BELIEVING in MYSELF, and SHAPING MYSELF to be someone I never imagined myself to be.

College will be a big chunk of my life I would never ever forget. And now that I`m just hours away from leaving that comfort zone, my comfort, I feel both relieved and saddened by it. Relieved in a way that I won`t ever have to go through the demanding school requirements, and the boring lectures, and the heart aches that come along even with just being physically present in school. And sad because the thought of LEAVING? :| :(( Leaving always hurts.

I`ll miss college every day the moment I officially get out from it. :( I`ll miss the people who made school bearable. I`ll miss knowing I have something to look forward to even if it`s an 8-4 shift in Sorsogon, or a pre-test in NCM. I`ll miss the essential part of my life that started to define WHO I AM as a PERSON, and WHO I WILL BE in the next few years.

Now, I can say,
"Yes, college wasn`t that bad... it was the BEST."

Sunday, March 13, 2011

` Some days.

I don`t know who my real friends are.
And nothing is worse than that.

Friday, February 25, 2011

"Alam ko mahirap pero ganun talaga. We have to set boundaries. Set limits kahit sa sarili nating bestfriends. Kasi ang okay sayo, pwedeng di okay sakin, or sa kanya. Kasi iba-iba naman ang personalities natin. Kaya hindi naman natin maiiwasan na makasakit. Pero mami-minimize lang natin ang number of times na makaka-hurt tayo. Be yourself. Be your best possible self. Pero since bestfriend kita, okay lang sakin makita ang' best and worst possible self' mo. Isa sa role namin as friends mo na sabihin sayo kung kelan kami nahu-hurt para lang maging aware ka. Pero it doesn't necessarily mean na kelangan mong magbago para samin. Minsan we need to be tactful lang talaga.
And good thing na may word na sorry. I know. Hindi mo mini-mean. Bestfriends tayo kaya alam naman natin na hindi natin gustong ma-hurt ang isa't isa intentionally. 
Kahit ako nga lagi ko syang inaaway, pero hindi ko din naman minimean yon. 'Wag kang mag-alala. Kahit ilang beses man tayo magkasakitan, di naman natin matitiis na masira ang friendship sa mga ganyang bagay lang. We love each other so much kaya carry natin 'to."
- I. 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

` Happiness. :)

When I first heard that we were representing the College of Nursing at the Students` Colloquium, I thought our thesis adviser was kidding. What felt more surreal was being picked to present it in front of Research 101 students, some college instructors from other departments, our own college instructors from the College of Nursing, people from the Office of the Vice President for Academic Affairs, and Dep Ed. Whew!

Imagine how nerve-wracking it was to present a thesis I only had one day of reviewing. And, of course, the rewarding feeling of knowing that all our efforts have not gone to waste by having the honor of being chosen to compete for Best Thesis.

And guess what? We won! :)

So I`m gonna thank my groupmates because we`ve collectively worked on this even if we had to face  difficult decisions while doing our thesis. Thank you Than and Jam for putting up with my bossy attitude. Hahaha. :)) :P And of course, our thesis adviser Madam Bailon for providing us all the information and help we would ever need for this to be finished.

And of course, God. We all thank Him for the guidance and love He has given us. For without Him, this would`ve been nothing.

Thank you for everyone who has prayed for this to be a success, who wished us luck, and who cheered us on  when we least believed in our capabilities.

Thankyou! :)

Monday, February 7, 2011

` Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

(In Response to Charles Warnke’s You Should Date An Illiterate Girl.)

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.
*GUSHING.* :)))))

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

` I need to remind myself this, too.

"Well. What can we do? Some people just don`t appreciate the time and effort we have intended for them. We give them the everything we could but we don`t get anything in return. It`s like they expect us TO BE THERE ALWAYS. And they never realize that we get tired too, that we need them too. In the end, you just have to accept that we can`t keep trying to fit into their worlds. We should just start to appreciate the people who have been there for us even if we don`t always ask them to be around."
-- A message I sent my friend a few weeks ago.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

This is the reason why I don`t want to "talk" when I feel bad.
Because I know I won`t be able to stop pouring my emotions out in the open.
I don`t want to be tagged as EMOTIONAL, NEEDY, and mustering up ATTITUDE.
I don`t want to not be able to stop letting you know how fucked up I feel,
because that would only make you feel worse about yourself for hurting me.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

"This just in, S and B committing a crime of fashion.
Who doesn’t love a five finger discount?
Especially if one of those fingers is the middle one?
Everyone knows you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.
And in a world ruled by blood lines and bank accounts it pays to have a pal.
As much as a BFF can make you go WTF,
there’s no denying we’d all be a little less rich without them.
And Serena and Blair? They do besties better than anyone."

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Happy birthday, Iris! :)

Gosh. What can I say? I`m truly truly thankful I have you as my best friend. I know that I don`t thank you enough for being there for me since forever. But yeah. Thank you so much for sticking with me, and believing in me ALWAYS.

I love you, Ting. For being my "sister by neurons" who always has the same thoughts, who always has the same emotions, like I do. And if people only knew how big your heart is for your best friends, they would want to have you as their best friend too. I guess I`m THAT lucky. :)

Okay. Tama nang bolahan. Haha. :)) I LOVE YOU! :*

Monday, November 29, 2010

Happy birthday Cha! :)

Hey. :> I just want to tell you that I feel blessed that I have you as a friend. I didn`t know that we would grow this close, but I`m super glad that we did. Thank you for listening to me when I have so much rants to say. And I`m happy that I`m seeing a side of you I`ve never seen before: the noisy and bubbly Cha. Hehe. Thank you for making me a part of  your life, for being the first one you tell about what`s been happening to your life. I`m happy I have you as my friend. I love you Cha. I hope you`re HAPPY today, and by happy, you know what I mean. ;) Mwaaah. :*

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

how's your heart lately?

It`s surprisingly fine, thank you. :)

I mean, I don`t have anyone or anybody right now but I don`t think I lack anything. Although I must say that it has not been easy for me. Because we all know that when we lose someone, we lose a part of ourselves. I lost a part of myself. But I don`t think I`m beyond irreparable. People had hurt me, maybe both intentionally and not, but I think I just need time to let things fix itself after I`ve done my part with the fixing. I will be able to forgive people, too. But other than that, I have to forgive myself first. Time. I need time. And courage to do this. I don`t think it`s impossible.

I`ll surely pray for guidance. :)

Monday, November 8, 2010

` 3 - A picture of you and your friends.

Forever and always.♥ IKR!
My soul-sister. BFF. Kaye. :)
BFF. Meli. :)
My bhebz, Nina.
High school buddies.
 College buddies.
College buddies.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

` Twenteenth.♥

As I`m typing this, I`m 20 years, 1 day, 3 hours and 4 minutes old.

Here`s a rundown of what happened on my birthday.:)

I went to Jollibee to buy food that I was going to bring for Mama because Papa isn`t home to do it. (He`s in La Union.) I had to finish my lunch early because I needed to go to mass, so I did. Then I went home to get ready because I was meeting up with my biatches. I finished up getting ready early, so I had time to clean my messy room because I planned on inviting them over for dinner.

I met up with Rocky and Iris at 2PM in National Bookstore, and surprise surprise, he was carrying a bag of treats. A day earlier than my birthday, he told us the he and his love forgot about getting the Krispy Kreme doughnuts they promised to give me and Iris so I wasn`t really expecting to get this the day after.

We went to Shakey`s after walking. And while we waited for our orders I opened the other gift from Rocky`s love. This, I was kinda expecting, but it didn`t lessen my excitement at all. Because I love it. It`s in my wishlist, if you happen to have read my other entries, you`ll know it`s there. Anyhoo. I love it. I love it. I love it.♥

After eating oversized meals, we went to walk around the mall before we decided to go home and wait for dinner time. So we did what we do best: camwhore! :P

After dinner, around 9, Rocky and Iris decided to go home. It was family time.

We have not been complete for the longest time, so we took as many pictures as we could.

I was wishing for my 20th birthday to be special, and although I didn`t have a party that big, I`m more than happy that I spent my birthday with my bestest best friends for the first time. I know Rocky was still tired from his Manila trip, and Iris wasn`t really allowed to go out that day, but they came, and they made me feel that I was worth the effort. I really REALLY appreciate it.

And I`m really happy that my family still made an effort to make my day special even if I know we were short on budget. Mama Jill made the salad I always ask her to make on my birthday because it`s my favorite. And Mama Daise did all the cooking and cleaning. Mama was, well, Mama. She was too happy that she and Papa raised a beautiful kid for 20 years. Hahaha. :)) :P And my cousins. They`re the most amazing, and funny, creatures ever. 

For what I thought would be one of the worst birthdays of my life, turned out that it was really one of the bests. :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

` 11 ways to be more positive.

★ Spend some time taking stock of all the influences in your life. This includes friends, family, television shows, magazines, blogs, etc. Thinks about which aspects of your life motivate you and push you to live positively for yourself. Think about those aspects that pull you down and drain you of your positive energy. Spend less time around the negative influences and more time around the positive!
★ Set aside more time for yourself where you can be alone. Sometimes it is easy to become depressed and grumpy when you give all of your energy to others. Having scheduled “you” time will guarantee that you will be able to pamper yourself and participate in your favorite hobbies.
★ Try changing your perspective about situations. Sometimes that is all it takes to turn a crummy day around. I try very hard to find something positive that will come out of the crappy things that daily life deals us. It doesn’t always happen naturally, but it gets easier when you push yourself to see the good in life.
Have friends and family in your life who can cheer you up and encourage you to be positive when you fall down. It’s inevitable that you will have a bad day, stress attack, or an emotional melt down in the future. It happens. The difference between you and a negative person is that you have the courage to get back up and keep going. We all need to be reminded that life really can be amazing if we take the time to see things positively.
Fill your space with reminders of how wonderful your life is. Write your favorite encouraging quotes on colorful post-its and paste them around your home.
★ Write letters and cards to your close friends and family with positive wishes and joyful greetings! Spreading positivity helps you feel positive in general!
★ Encourage the people in your life who take on pessimistic attitudes to be more positive. If those people are not willing to hear you out, limit your time around them. Negativity is very draining and you can only be around it for so long before it takes over.
Get excited about the little things that make you happy!
If you are feeling down and depressed, own your feelings. Don’t deny that you are grumpy. Accept that you aren’t feeling 100% and give yourself time to just be.
De-clutter your life! Get rid of things that you don’t love, things that you never use, and things that aren’t sentimental to you. Clutter can weigh you down and fill your life with unnecessary negative energy! Make room for new things that you adore!
★ Channel your inner child every so often. Do things that the child within you would love! Blow bubbles, ride the merry-go-round, drink chocolate milk, play hop scotch, color, take photos of random objects, play dress-up, etc.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Saturday, October 23, 2010

You could distinguish us from the way we drink our McFloats.:)
Rocky: With his green fizz.
Iris: With her no hassle regular coke float.
Me: With two straws.:)

Friday, October 22, 2010